TRUST IN ME

Dear Jason:
This is what I seem to not be able to say to you....

You have come into my life not willing to give it a try at first. You decided you wanted all or nothing, in turn you have gotten all of me as I wanted all of you. You and I both doubted how far we'd get because of our pasts standing there in front of our faces I could see where you were going wrong as you could see where I was going wrong. This in turn drove us to run away from the fears we burried before that were gradually undigging themselves.

Yes we are still together to this day. Fighting battle to keep together sometimes and yet others are some of the happiest I've ever been. You trying to work your program as I follow with my groups and you and I growing together under the same roof with our to pups.

I'm trying to give all I have for you to hold and take in, as I do this sometimes I wonder if it's enough or maybe too much. You always say how grateful you are to have me in your life which this may be and I am grateful to have you in my life and to be living this together.

When we first met I told you it'd be awhile before I have full trust in you because that is something I've always struggled with. You had told me the same. You at this time had also told me about your ex and how she was sending you a DNA test to see if her daughter was yours. Four years later might I add you find out this little girl that you don't know is yours.

Although I know you're not ready to be a parent and all you have to do is sign and date this paper stating you want to give up rights to another guy because your ex wants you to and you want to. I don't think this is the best option for your daughter that you don't even want to try and claim. I am that little girl years later that went through a "dad" that didn't want me because he wasn't ready. Guess what NO ONE IS EVER READY. As much as you think she will understand why you gave her up years down the road from experience she'll never understand. I know my opinion at this point does not matter and it shouldn't because that choice is yours and always will be. I will not tell you what to do, make you feel bad about your decision just support you.

However going through this is a tough decision whether to sign or not to sign and yet that paper sits across the table as I type this remembering that I told you I'd support you no matter what you decide.

This is where the problem lies... you haven't been honest with me and you don't tell me things about this situation. You failed to tell me that you were officially the father, just that you told me you had to do the DNA test. Instead I find out by court ordered papers that stated you were the natural father and to sign your rights over within 30 days of post mark date. As I let it slide and not question too much, you do leave your facebook open and I did think for some reason it was mine. I clicked into the messages and seen your ex had emailed you recently about signing those papers.

At this time I know why you have been stressed and not too talkative with me the past two days. What this all leads up to is WHY CAN'T YOU TRUST IN ME!? As I have put trust in you and would talk to you about this type of thing and not hide it or run from it! I'm so frustrated that you can't even come to me about this. We have put love in this relationship, built it far up, live together, live more than just a roommate, but as we should. A COUPLE.

I just want to be trusted by you. I've never given you anything to not trust me on or come to me to talk.

Although this situation scares me deeply, I except it. I am scared that what if I wasn't on birth control and became pregnant in the near future. What would you do? You may have 9 months to prepare yourself rather than 30 but that doesn't subside your decision. I am also scared that if you hide this from me what else may you be hiding? Why can't you talk to me?

With All My Love:
I LOVE YOU
--ME